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First and foremost is the risk of social disapproval. This, obviously, is a cost that both parties will have to bear if the relationship develops, but from the younger man’s perspective there are some unique problems. Chief among these problems is the disapproval of parents. I think it’s rather natural for parents to be suspicious or wary of their child’s older partner. A younger man with a good relationship with his parents will be very reluctant to damage his relationship with these special people by exposing a non-traditional relationship. What does this mean for the woman? Be prepared to discuss upfront the likelihood that this will be a problem. If it is, then it will likely bar your relationship from becoming totally public or permanent. If either of these eventualities troubles you- you need to be aware of them.
1.The risk of social disapproval. This, obviously, is a cost that both parties will have to bear if the relationship develops, but from the younger man’s perspective there are some unique problems. Chief among these problems is the disapproval of parents. I think it’s rather natural for parents to be suspicious or wary of their child’s older partner. A younger man with a good relationship with his parents will be very reluctant to damage his relationship with these special people by exposing a non-traditional relationship. What does this mean for the woman? Be prepared to discuss upfront the likelihood that this will be a problem. If it is, then it will likely bar your relationship from becoming totally public or permanent. If either of these eventualities troubles you- you need to be aware of them.
2.Incompatible family goals. A younger man may very well be looking to establish a family at some point (even if he has no desire to do so at the present moment). If he begins a relationship with an older woman who emphatically does not want children, then this creates a significant obstacle.
Again, the answer can only come from discussion. Perhaps neither party is looking for a relationship that will endure that long or perhaps it is best to avoid the relationship altogether before such a problem can develop.
3.Mutual respect. As older and younger relationships become more mainstream, a sort of cultural dialogue has grown up around them. In this dialogue young men are often depicted as the sexual objects (“toyboys“) of older women. Some young men might relish this role, while others might not. To avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings, it’s important to focus on the individuals’ expectations. Separate yourself from the socially defined expectations of an older younger relationship and focus on what YOUR younger man wants. If he wants to be treated as your sex toy (and you’re OK with that), then by all means have at it. But if he doesn’t, then don’t make that assumption. Take the time to find out what he wants, or even if he’s not sure about what he wants.
I’m sure all of this may seem like common sense, and it is. The point of this post has been to encourage honest discussion. Any truly successful relationship must be premised upon honesty and nowhere is this more essential than in relationships that face inherent social problems. I sincerely wish you all the best of luck and hope that this has inspired you to tackle potential age-gap problems head on in your future relationships!