How to avoid surprises in age gap relationships

cougar women dating

Cougar Dating is the best choice for younger men and cougar women. Simple words that are often repeated, but ones that remain true despite this repetition. Perhaps nowhere else is transparency more desirable and needed then in the contemplation of a non-traditional relationship. There are certainly challenges to be faced when embarking upon a relationship with a younger or older partner- having the courage and wisdom to be totally honest to one another about these challenges will help to define expectations and prevent unwanted surprises from occurring down the road. With that said I want to share some concerns that a younger man seeking a relationship with an older woman might be expected to have. Perhaps this will give older woman a window into the mind of the younger man they’re interested in and will serve as a platform for discussing these issues.

First and foremost is the risk of social disapproval. This, obviously, is a cost that both parties will have to bear if the relationship develops, but from the younger man’s perspective there are some unique problems. Chief among these problems is the disapproval of parents. I think it’s rather natural for parents to be suspicious or wary of their child’s older partner. A younger man with a good relationship with his parents will be very reluctant to damage his relationship with these special people by exposing a non-traditional relationship. What does this mean for the woman? Be prepared to discuss upfront the likelihood that this will be a problem. If it is, then it will likely bar your relationship from becoming totally public or permanent. If either of these eventualities troubles you- you need to be aware of them.

1.The risk of social disapproval. This, obviously, is a cost that both parties will have to bear if the relationship develops, but from the younger man’s perspective there are some unique problems. Chief among these problems is the disapproval of parents. I think it’s rather natural for parents to be suspicious or wary of their child’s older partner. A younger man with a good relationship with his parents will be very reluctant to damage his relationship with these special people by exposing a non-traditional relationship. What does this mean for the woman? Be prepared to discuss upfront the likelihood that this will be a problem. If it is, then it will likely bar your relationship from becoming totally public or permanent. If either of these eventualities troubles you- you need to be aware of them.

2.Incompatible family goals. A younger man may very well be looking to establish a family at some point (even if he has no desire to do so at the present moment). If he begins a relationship with an older woman who emphatically does not want children, then this creates a significant obstacle.

Again, the answer can only come from discussion. Perhaps neither party is looking for a relationship that will endure that long or perhaps it is best to avoid the relationship altogether before such a problem can develop.

3.Mutual respect. As older and younger relationships become more mainstream, a sort of cultural dialogue has grown up around them. In this dialogue young men are often depicted as the sexual objects (“toyboys“) of older women. Some young men might relish this role, while others might not. To avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings, it’s important to focus on the individuals’ expectations. Separate yourself from the socially defined expectations of an older younger relationship and focus on what YOUR younger man wants. If he wants to be treated as your sex toy (and you’re OK with that), then by all means have at it. But if he doesn’t, then don’t make that assumption. Take the time to find out what he wants, or even if he’s not sure about what he wants.

I’m sure all of this may seem like common sense, and it is. The point of this post has been to encourage honest discussion. Any truly successful relationship must be premised upon honesty and nowhere is this more essential than in relationships that face inherent social problems. I sincerely wish you all the best of luck and hope that this has inspired you to tackle potential age-gap problems head on in your future relationships!

6 rules for dating of older

Remember that very first date? Sweaty palms. Awkward conversation. You probably even had a curfew. Once you hit older, at least the curfew is gone. But according to TODAY’s “This is 50” survey results, only 18 percent of single people in their 50s said they were dating. More than 40 percent said they were considering it, but not actually doing it.

As to the “why” behind the lack of date-nights, nearly 60 percent say they don’t need a relationship to be happy. That’s true whether you’re 16 or 56, but more than 40 percent don’t believe there is anyone “out there” to date. More than 30 percent don’t even know where to begin and nearly 30 percent say they find it too stressful (think back to those sweaty palms and awkward conversations.)

For more than 40 percent of respondents, other priorities are simply more important, and nearly one-quarter say it’s just too difficult to date when you’re 50-plus.

On the positive side, the age 50-plus daters seem to be pretty darn smart when choosing a date-mate. In fact, nearly 60 percent say they make better decisions about compatibility now compared to when they were younger. Some 42 percent have better quality dates, and 52 percent say part of the allure of dating in the 50s is the absence of the tick-tock of the biological clock.

Most people want to find a friend or a life partner, and to meet the dates who may fulfill this desire, many 50-somethings, about 80 percent in fact, do it the old-fashioned way — through friends or family. One-quarter use dating websites.
Dating after 40 or 50 means taking control of your love life, just like you do the rest of your life. It means being kind to yourself and the men you meet. It means making good choices.

I have compiled a list of Dating Do’s and Don’ts exclusively for women like you. These aren’t your daughter’s dating rules. These are for the woman who is done repeating the same mistakes, and is ready to find her grown-up love story.

1. Don’t bond over your baggage.

Baggage bonding is when an early date shifts into deep conversation about some baggage you have in common. It starts off innocently with a question like “So what happened with your marriage?” or “How has online dating been for you?” And off you go! You start comparing your horrific ex-spouses or your crazy awful dates.
Nothing positive can possibly come from this, sister. Steer clear of these topics until you know each other better.

2. Don’t call him if he doesn’t call you.

Yes, I know he said he was going to call you, I know you had a great date and want to see him again. I know it’s tempting. But don’t do it. Men know who and what they want, often better than we do. That’s especially true of the grownup men that you’re dating.

Your 25-year-old may want to linger and go down the rabbit hole trying to figure it all out. The grown-up dater gives him a reasonable amount of time to show up, and then says a big “So what!” and moves on. Yep, just like he did.

3. Don’t have sex until you're really ready.

I know, you're mature, smart and competent. But every day I coach women like you through situations they wish they didn't get into. The last thing you want at 55 is to wake up in the morning with flashbacks to your days as a 20-something, right?
Unless you can talk with your dude about safe sex and the status of your relationship after intimacy, steer clear of the sack. Take care of yourself by initiating a conversation and sharing your needs and wants. If you are dealing with a grown-up man he will appreciate and respect you for it. If he's not; he won't. Good to know before you jump in!

4. Do start by finding 3 things you like about him. 

His manners, his shirt, his smile, the way he talks about his kids. Start off with the positive and try to stay in discovery mode before you decide he’s not right for you. This keeps you open to someone who might not be your type. (Because after all, your type hasn't worked or you would be reading this.)

5. Do flirt like a grown-up.

Yes, grown-up women flirt and men like it! Keep your body language open, play with your hair, smile, touch his arm. And best flirt of all: compliment him! And bring your femininity to every date. It’s the thing we have that men want most!

6. Do manage the date conversation. 

Be the master of the segue if he talks too much, or the conversation swerves into uncomfortable topics. Make sure you get to talk about yourself in a meaningful way as well. If he walks away from the date having shared too much or hasn’t learned about you, then there won't be a second date. Why is this up to you? Because you are better at it than he. Just do it, and you’ll both enjoy the date more.
Show up to your dates open, happy and being your already charming self. It will bring out the best in him and insure that you both have the best time possible. Remember, even if he is not Mr. I Love You, there is something valuable to learn from every date.

Younger Men Meet An Older Woman

Meet An Older Women

Age is just a number when it comes to having an actual relationship with an older woman. Here are some pointers you can follow if you are really that interested in dating and having a relationship with an older woman.

1.Talk about your interests. There is always going to be an issue with the age difference but never let it stop you as long as you don't tease her about her age.

2.Be very complimentary about her makeup, outfits and hairstyles. Make your companion feel good about herself, by pointing out her amazing qualities and tell her she is very fascinating to you.

3.Talk about pleasant experiences, but don't ever ask her about past relationships, it is a big, big turnoff in any relationship.

4.Don't  be too concerned about your lack of dating experience. Your date probably agreed to go out with you, it is because you may displayed a quality that she found interesting. She knows you are younger than her, but she won't be bothered by it. Don't disappear socially, be yourself and allow your date to be silly if she wants to be. The first few dates may be awkward for any couple, but it takes patience to figure out harmony in terms of maturity.

5.Be a gentleman at all times. Don't let it bother you that her pals may or may not approve of your relationship. If you introduce yourself to her friends, demonstrate a level of maturity that matches your relationship. What her friends are probably looking for are compassion and compatibility.

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